HOLIDAY MASCOTS WHO MAKE AS MUCH SENSE AS SANTA CLAUS
December 13, 2009
Martin Luther King Day
Professor Marty, a blind zebra in cargo shorts
In some areas of the deep South, where the racial divide is still strongly felt, Professor Marty appears in a cloud of glitter and rainbows at an undesignated city park. Children of all creeds and colors hunt Professor Marty to milk him for his fabled honey juice and learn a thing or two about equality.
Labor Day
Bindo LuFonte, the 7-Story tall bowling champion from Venus
If you belong to a labor union, expect a visit from Bindo LuFonte at noon exactly, but only if you lock yourself in a windowless room (a closet will do) and don’t make a sound for twenty minutes. When you go outside, the impression left from Bindo’s foot will be big enough to fill with warm water and relax in.
Vernal Equinox
A Water-Damaged Set of Encyclopedias
Celebrate an untilted planet by crowding into the garage with your loved ones while the Water-Damaged Set of Encyclopedias fills your oven with sugar cookies and balloons!
Valentine’s Day
J-10031, a wrongfully accused prisoner who was shanked in the bathroom
Those unloved souls who receive no valentine cards will be haunted by the spirit of J-10031 as they fall asleep at night. He will no doubt keep you up until the wee hours of the morning complaining about the unjustices of the word and turning all your rugs upside down. Better find some love, kids!
All Saints Day
James van der Beek
Speak Latin at work or school all day and when you come home, a James van der Beek movie will be on your Tivo.
